Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
