Just fell off a train. Bad.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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