Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Randomize
