Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
