dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
