I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Randomize
