We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
