Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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