Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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