i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
