You made me cry and you don't even care
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
