tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
