The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
