I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
