Non-Jews are for practice
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
