dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
