The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
