new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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