I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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