im about as happy as oj after his trial
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
