Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
