dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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