what if every blade of grass was a penis?
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Drunk is not a location!
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
