i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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