I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
