I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
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