Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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