yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Randomize
