bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Green mimosas i think yes
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
