I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
