Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
