Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
