I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
