My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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