True but thats because hes a fetus.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
