I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Randomize
