i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
