note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
