When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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