I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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