3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
She bit a glass in half.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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