You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
