um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
