you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
