So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
