You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
