i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
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We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
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