Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
