I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
