he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
