K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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