K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Swine flu is the new snow day.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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