In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
