I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
