I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
