I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
