Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
