i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
