it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
