FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
the condom got lost in my hair
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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