i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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