Betty ford says i'm here all night
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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