I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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