I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize