sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
