if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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