and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I just saw a hot homeless man
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
