we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
