just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
What happened to fro yo and sex?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
