Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
