sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
